toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
