she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
