lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
