Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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