Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
