as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
