Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
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