i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
