some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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