I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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