I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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