I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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