I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
