I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
