we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
