Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
