She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
