He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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