I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
