I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
