Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
