I wannas sexs uuuuu
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
