and you said cock pushups were impossible
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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