We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
