I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
