this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
