ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
