Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
