How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
