You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
