I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
