That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
