Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
