we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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