Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
