At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
