Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
