I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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