roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
