I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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