Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
