this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
