Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
