New game: find the sober person in Tbell
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize