yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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