Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
