You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
50% drunk capacity currently
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
