on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
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We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
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I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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