im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
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