A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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