Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
