Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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