yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
