I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
