if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
