I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
