Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
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I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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