he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
