dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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