My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
