I'm going to jail i love you
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
