Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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