I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
