Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
