OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just pynch a tree in the face
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
