Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
