I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
